Rest in Peace - Nelson Mandela

“I have walked that long road to freedom.
I have tried not to falter;
I have made missteps along the way.
But I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill,
one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.
I have taken a moment here to rest,
to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me,
to look back on the distance I have come.
But I can only rest for a moment,
for with freedom come responsibilities,
and I dare not linger, for my long walk is not ended.”

― Nelson Mandela

We Become Our Parents

One of my favorite artists, Stromae, released a beautiful song and music video earlier this year. His lyrics have always spoken to me, but I find the song below incredibly moving. And the video tells such a touching, sad story.

And it got me thinking about all of the kids growing up with working parents, or absent parents.
Parents who don't live, they only exist. Parents who never have the time to get involved in their kids' lives because they are too busy at work.

What is this doing to us humans, to our planet? What kind of people will these children grow up to be?

In a society where money, work and material things seem to become more and more important, have we forgotten the real things in life? All the things that really matter? A smile from a stranger, kind gestures, children laughing, the love of family and friends.

And the human race, at least in the Western world, seem to be more and more detached from nature. When was the last time you laid down in the grass, or walked through the forest far away from civilization?

 

Looking at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, it strikes me that the third level, Love/Belonging, is shrinking, and even disappearing in today's society. Media keeps telling us that we need material things, we need self-realization, we need to focus on ourselves and make it to the top. Kindness, generosity and helping others are seen as signs of weakness. However did we come to this?

Is having a six-figure salary, a fancy car and designer handbag more important than reaching out a hand to help someone who is struggling? Is stepping over others in order to make a name for yourself okay? Would the kids prefer more time with mom and dad, instead of expensive clothing?

Studies show that we become our parents, we become what we learn.
So what are you teaching your children?
Take a good look at your own life. Is this honestly what you want for your children?






'Papaotai' by Belgian artist Stromae.

 

 

English translation of the song can be found here.

Let Me Go

Darkness pulling, dragging, holding me down

Everywhere I turn it wants to engulf me

My soul's screaming, yelling, longing for air

Let me go, I'm losing my way

 

The light is fading quickly, leaving me behind

I'm scratching, crawling, trying to reach it

Every inch of me is fighting, trying to break free

Yet Darkness captures me and lulls me

 

With loving gestures, caresses and softness

Darkness lures me to stay once again

The stars are still shining in the distance

How I long to be dancing with them

 

I close my eyes, sleeping, dreaming away

To a place where I'm surrounded by sunlight

A place of safety, shadows can't chase me

Let me go, I will finally be free

 

- Dark Duchess

 

I'll take care of you...

I love this song by Drake and Rihanna, and I think this is one of the most beautiful music videos I've seen. Both the song and the music video touches my heart.

There are so many symbols in the video: The Bull represents Chris Brown (he's a Taurus), the Fish represents Rihanna (she's a Pisces), and the Blue Jay is a shout out to Drake's home town: Toronto (their baseball team the Toronto Blue Jays).


Abuse is hard to deal with, hard to get over, it's still there, years later, like scars under the skin. Even with all the pain, all the fear, and all of those horrible memories, there's still a part of me that's longing back to him.

How twisted is that? I mean, we had fun, he was an intelligent, funny, popular and good-looking man. He knew how to be a gentleman when he wanted to, and so much of the relationship was just like a fairy tale.

"It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear
You almost feel ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them, you feel like nothing
No one will ever understand how much it hurts
You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you
And when it's over, and it's gone
You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back
So that you could have the good"

I've only opened up to one guy about the abusive relationship I was in. Instead of being understanding and kind about it, he took every chance he could get to use it against me. I think I'll keep my scars to myself from now on. It's bad enough having them, but having someone trample all over them, is like being abused all over again.

My scars are mine, I got out, I survived.
My secret, my life, my dark side...

Procrastination...

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. 

This is the man who discovered electricity. 

You think more people would listen to what he had to say. 

I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. 

Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, 

because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? 

The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. 

We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, 

heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. 

We have to make our own mistakes. 

We have to learn our own lessons. 

We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. 

Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. 

That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, 

and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

~Dr. Meredith Grey~

I am a master of procrastination. Why is it that I always seem to put things off until last minute?
I certainly don't get any pleasure from postponing all of the things that I want to get done. Instead of being able to check them off of my to-do-list, I add them to that everlasting to-do list, the one that wakes me up in the middle of the night *sigh* Why is it so difficult to just get things over with?
Right now, my mental list over things to be done seems endless. And I've been searching the net to find some inspiration, some miracle cure to get me going. But I guess today's quote is right: We all need to learn our own lessons through our own mistakes. It would be great to grab every possibility that's handed to me, instead of postponing them all. One day, the possibilities may run out, and all that's left, is the regret of things not done.

I still haven't made that list of goals that I've been writing about. And how on earth will I get anywhere without knowing where I want to go?
Well, I'm dead tired now, and not making much sense. But I will try to find some tips on how to rid yourself of procrastination (tomorrow, right? lol). Because I know that I'm not alone. Until next time... Try to do at least one thing that you've been putting off for a while. It doesn't have to be scary, just something small. I'll make an appointment for my dog's vaccination right now, and I've written this half-hearted post.

Sleep tight,
Dark Duchess.

Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, 

but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” 

~Maria Robinson~ 

In my last post I made a promise to have my goals ready by Monday... Thankfully I didn't specify which Monday though :) My internet connection has been down for what feels like forever, it's somewhat back now, so I wanted to give you an update on my goals and how I'm doing.

The key word of my life these days is "change". I've started to make some changes in myself, that I hope will reflect how I feel and how I act. I'm certainly feeling a lot better about my self that I have in a long time. I don't have that complete list of goals ready yet, I'll try to do it in a few days time. But I've started making a list of goals that "I can definitely do", and I've started checking them off too. Here they are:

• Stop drinking soda. For years I've been one of Coca Cola's biggest customers, but not anymore. I'm done. Well, I haven't had one sip of soda in 4 days. The first two days were rather horrible, but I'm starting to feel more energized and happy. The soda has been replaced with water and smoothies. And to be honest, a mango/apple/banana smoothie is ten times better than a glass of soda. Yay me! I do have one last bottle of soda in my fridge...If I could only bring myself to pouring it down the drain. Baby steps.
• Get up earlier in the mornings. This is a really tough one for me. But I am improving.
• No chocolate... Yes, I'm almost tearing up writing this. I haven't had one piece of chocolate in 6 days! And I was mighty proud of myself yesterday for turning down a piece of my favorite kind. Stay strong, stay strong!
• Go for a daily walk/jog. Again, I'm doing pretty good. Today I even went for a walk in the pouring rain. 
• Make a decicion on where to live. I'm almost there. Right now I've pretty much made the decicion, now I just need to figure out the logistics. Stay tuned for more info. All I can say today is that it is a rather huge step!

That's as far as I've gotten on the list. But I am proud that I've started making the changes in my life. Even if I did have a horrible headache for some days, I'm starting to feel a difference in my body and attitude. And to reflect how my insides are changing, I got a new haircut and color. Have a very happy week!

Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined.

There are those who work all day. Those who dream all day. 

And those who spend an hour dreaming before setting to work to fulfill those dreams. 

Go into the third category because there’s virtually no competition.
~Steven J Ross~

Dreams... How do you make your dreams come true? What are your steps to making your dreams come true? Or have you just given up on them, thinking that that's all they are; just dreams?





Ever since I was a little girl, I've had rather big dreams. I've always wanted to be more, do more and see more than that average lifestyle would normally offer. No, I've never had a desire to become famous, an actress or anything like that.












I can really relate to Belle from Beauty and the Beast. I've had dreams that some said were unrealistic and impossible. And I've always been viewed as a dreamer. In my opinion, there's nothing wrong in being a dreamer. You just have to remember that you live in the real world, and work to make those dreams come true.














With proper planning and real effort, you can come far in realizing your dreams. Here's a little challenge for you. Find a piece of paper (or do it digitally). Start off with three headers:
The first header is for things that "you can definitely do."
The second header for things "you feel quite possible to do."




And finally, make a third header for the things you consider "impossible to accomplish."









Write down some of your goals you'd like to achieve in life, divided in the three categories.
First you focus on the goals under the first header, that is things "you can definitely do."






Check them one by one as you accomplish them. When you are coming to an end for this category, start achieving the goals under the next header, the one with things "you feel quite possible to do."
As your goals for the second header get accomplished, start moving the goals from the third category, things "impossible to accomplish" to the list of things "you feel quite possible to do".
 


The process makes your goals first thought to be impossible to achieve, easier to reach. You will transform those impossible dreams into quite tangible goals. And that's the idea here; To get rid of all limits, dream big, reach high, but focus on working hard to reach those goals. Start small, and more forward step by step.









Are you up for the challenge? I'll start working on my list, and post it in on Monday. By giving myself that deadline, I won't put it off, as I normally do ;)











To make your dreams come true, you have to be rather fearless. You can't be scared of failure, of letting go of things or of standing on your own. People you love may challenge you, telling you that your dreams are impossible. But I know from experience that dreams can come true. Even those seeming unrealistic.










xx,
Dark Duchess