To be or not to be...or what to be?

Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. 

If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.

~Mahatma Gandhi~ 

Is it possible that a change in attitude can change your whole life, and make dreams come true? Can a person really become whatever he or she wants? Will positive thinking bring positive things back into my life again?



I don't know, but this is my self experiment to see if changing the way I think, can help change my life too. I used to be such a positive and happy person. Always having a smile on my face, I took every hardship as a challenge, as a step that would make me stronger.




And really, I had it all: A great job that I loved, good friends, an amazing place to live, with everything I could wish for.

Then he came along... Yeah, of course it had to be a man that changed everything. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was perfectly fine living a single life, doing whatever I wanted. At first I didn't care for him, he kept courting me, doing everything he could think of to charm me. In the end, it worked. All of the sudden my life went from happy, to exhilarating, exciting, adventurous. I never knew what he would plan, he always had some surprise at hand.



He seemed to be perfect: Good-looking, funny, intelligent. He had a fancy job, big house, loads of money, a fantastic family. Everything was perfect. On the surface. Then things started to change, and he changed me, broke me down, tore me to pieces.



Slowly I started believing what he was saying. That I was worthelss, that no-one but him wanted me, and that I could never be successful at anything.




Thankfully I had the sense to get away from him, far away. But the thoughs he put into my head are still there. The scars are still visible, and I can't bring myself to smile over the small things anymore. I believe what he wanted me to believe: That I am small, insignificant, worthless. I can't seem to find that positive outlook on life. But I do want to! I don't want to let him win!

I've lost many friends, the distance makes it hard to keep in touch, and I'm not the cheerful person they used to love. Although I still have a great job, things are not the same as before. And I loathe the place I live.

This is my project, my fight to get my life back. I really hope that changing my whole outlook on life, will change my whole life. I hope that I can be happy and sunny again. And I hope that Gandhi's wise words really are true. That if I start believing in myself again, if I believe that I can be happy and successful, that it will come true. So this will be my self help blog, my experiment.


Can I succeed?

Can thoughts change your life? Can dreams really come true if you want them to?




xoxo,
The Dark Duchess